A Gorjeous Dai
by GreyJedi
Summary: A new student at Hogwarts causes a stir. Mockery, badly spelled names, don't let the bad title scare you. Rated T for suggestive humour.


This was originally written for my creative writing class this year, but at the insistent pestering of my friends I have decided to post it in order to appease them. I apologize for the badly spelled title but it was perfectly intentional as were all other misspellings within the actual story. Really.

"Drako Malfoiee", "Firenzi", Dumbledore, and Voldy are all the intellectual property of J.K. Rowling. Despite my character manipulation they are still hers and I am merely borrowing them for the sake of amusement. Don't sue me. Please.

* * *

It was a dark and stormy sunny summer day at Hogwarts School of magic. Drako Malfoiee was hiding under a tree with his best friend Jimmy Carter (who was not, and had no relation to, the former USA president).

"Jimmy," he said in a cheerfully moody drawl, "I'm bored. Shall we do something to pass the time?"

"I say we shall. Be just splendid it would."

They were about to stand when there was a loud crack. The crack of someone apparating right in front of them besides the fact that there was a strict no apparating on school grounds rule along with the fact it was supposed to be physically impossible. It was a crack just like that, but prettier and much less horrible sounding. Standing in front of them was a beautiful girl. Her long ginger hair blew in a previously non-existent wind as she stared at both boys through vibrant blue eyes. Her wine red lips had formed a large pleased smile, exposing all of her perfect, brilliant white teeth like carefully cultivated pearls in an oyster. Her skin tight, low cut top could barely contain her large cleavage and it seemed prepared to burst free if she so much as breathed too deeply. She placed an immaculately manicured hand on her hip, smoothing out the tight red leather of her miniskirt.

Drako got a nosebleed.

So did Jimmy.

"Oh my!" the girl exclaimed and with a snap of her fingers, both nosebleeds were gone.

Drako stared. He could not take his eye from her. "Why didn't you use a wand?" he stammered.

Before the mysterious and beautiful girl could move her gorgeous wine red lips to speak again, Jimmy interrupted. "She doesn't need to. She's the one from the prophecy."

"Prophecy?" Drako asked. "What prophecy?"

"The prophecy from the vision I had last week. I was going to tell you about it, but I forgot."

"Oh," said Drako.

The girl smiled, making them forget all about their conversation. She giggled, blinking at them both from deep sea green eyes.

Drako pinched his nose.

"Hello," she said in a rather seductive tone, "My name is Kath'rynne Moonsun."

"Um...Hi," Jimmy said. "I'm Jimmy Carter."

Kath'rynne sniffed. "If you're Jimmy Carter, then I'm an Egyptian princess."

"But I..." Jimmy sighed, "I _am_ Jimmy Carter."

She smiled, "I know. And I _am_ an Egyptian princess."

Drako grinned, "I've always wanted to meet an Egyptian princess."

Kath'rynne leaned in close to him, "And now that you have, what do you think?" Her violet eyes bored into him as though peering into his soul.

"I think I like it."

"You're an interesting person Drako," she said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "I like that about you."

He laughed nervously, backing into the tree.

Her fingers trailed down his chest. "I like a lot about you."

Drako sniffed.

A moment later they were kissing passionately.

Drako's shirt seemed to unbutton itself. One of the buttons shot off and nearly hit Kath'rynne in a gloriously dark brown eye, but, the button, deciding it would be a shame to mar such beauty, bounced harmlessly back and hit Drako's eye instead.

He cried out. "Ack. My eye!"

Kath'rynne pulled away and examined his eye. She snapped her fingers and instantly his pain was gone. "There," she cooed. "Is that better?"

Drako grinned, "Much. Now..." He put his hand on her hip, "Where were we?"

She giggled and was about to kiss him when there was a tremendous crashing in the bushes behind them and she jumped away. One finger was raised threateningly and she looked ready to duel. She traced an intricate pattern in the air and there was a cry of alarm. A moment later a gorgeous palomino centaur stepped out, rubbing his shoulder. The instant Kath'rynne saw him she let out a high squeal that would have been extremely annoying had anyone else been making it, "Firenzi!"

He grinned and spread his arms wide, prepared to receive the inevitable hug. "Kath'rynne! My love!"

She rushed elegantly to him, throwing her arms around his bare torso and pressed up against him.

Forgotten over by the tree Drako sniffed and pinched his nose again, rummaging around for a Kleenex.

The centaur stroked Kath'rynne's long red hair and gazed into her deep amber eyes. "I have missed you my dear."

"Oh my love, it's been too long..."

"It has, it has," he agreed, "Why I remember the last time we spoke, it was right before I was to accompany Frodo to Mount Doom."

"Ah yes..." she sighed nostalgically, "You had pointy ears back then..."

"Yes, and a couple fewer legs," he said, tapping his right hind leg.

Kath'rynne laughed, "It's alright, I like it. You know I've always loved how unique you are. Legolas, Firenzi, whatever you're going by now."

Firenzi grinned at her, "Come Kath'rynne, my darling, allow me to show you around. I do believe that you shall like the area."

She giggled, "Okay!"

* * *

Over on the other side of the school grounds a large crowd had formed to watch as Albus Dumbledore prepared to duel the evil lord Voldemort (who shall from now on be referred to as 'Voldy' because Voldemort is hard to spell).

Voldy had his wand out and was glaring at the other man, "I'm going to kill you, you know."

Dumbledore sighed, "Oh, not again, I really wish you wouldn't."

Voldy hissed at the headmaster. "You don't get a choice."

Dumbledore adjusted his half-moon glasses and sighed. With a slow practiced movement, or maybe it was just arthritis, he pulled out his wand and held it out in front of him as though he wasn't really sure what to do with it.

The collective crowd gasped.

They were no longer looking at the two soon to be duellists. Kath'rynne and Firenzi had just entered their midst and all eyes had turned to them. Kath'rynne smiled at them and almost all the girls grabbed their boyfriends threateningly. She batted her startling crimson eyes at them all and there was a sudden surge of boys attempting to get to her. Firenzi glared angrily at the closest boys causing them to cringe back to their girls.

"Back off," he snarled, "She's not interested."

Kath'rynne laughed and looked at the centaur. "Come now Firenzi, they're harmless. You know I just have an attractive personality."

One of the bolder boys stepped forward again, as though transfixed. His eyes were unfocused as he approached Kath'rynne. He reached out to grab her shoulder, but Firenzi pulled her away.

"_Kath'rynne_."

She sighed and looked back at the gorgeous centaur, "You _know_ I can't help myself." She looked away sadly, "I just can't bear the thought of _ever_ being alone."

Everyone within earshot, and quite a few out of it, fell silent with sudden sympathy for her, though no one really knew why.

Within ten seconds a small swarm of teenage boys had flocked to her.

There were another few minutes of silence.

A loud crash rang out from the small clearing where Dumbledore and Voldy were still standing. One of them had apparently decided to take some action. Voldy had knocked over a student he'd randomly turned into a coat rack.

Some of the wizarding young looked over at the source of the sound. There hadn't been much of a fight so far. It looked like they may have just been showing off their skills at each other. Dumbledore had acquired a random potted plant – quite possibly another student that had been randomly transformed.

Kath'rynne looked over at the two fighters and gasped, "Oh no! A duel!"

The rest of the students, who hadn't decided that the crash was interesting enough to look away from Kath'rynne for, suddenly turned and looked. There was a collective shocked gasp. It was the kind of gasp that people make when they realize that they've left a pot on the stove and have only remembered about because it just boiled over.

Kath'rynne broke away from Firenzi and waded through the congregation towards the duellists. Her orange eyes were strangely calm.

Voldy and Dumbledore looked over at her, both lowering their wands in surprise.

"Um...Can we help you...?" Voldy asked, arching an eyebrow. Or would have if he'd had any to arch, but the thought was there.

"You two are to stop this nonsense right now," Kath'rynne said. "You're both grown men, I think..."

Voldy hissed in annoyance.

Dumbledore blinked calmly at her.

Kath'rynne put a hand on her hip, tapping her foot irritably.

Almost all of the boys watching the would-be duel got sudden, severe nosebleeds.

"Ugh." Kath'rynne rolled her eyes. "You are all idiots." She snapped her fingers and the nosebleeds vanished. She glared at Dumbledore and Voldy. "Now, you two..." her voice was icy cold. Everyone watching the interaction got sudden chills.

Voldy laughed coldly, "And _what_ is a _girl_ like you going to do about us?"

She smiled. And snapped her fingers.

All that remained in the 'area' where the two had nearly duelled was: the potted plant, the coat rack, and two piles of ashes.

Kath'rynne brushed off her hands. "There, all taken care of." She gestured to the masses. "Shoo. Nothing to see here."

Everyone blinked in surprise, but immediately the crowd began to thin, a general confused murmur rippling amongst the students. Generally they were consisting of such questions as: 'Who the heck was that?' 'Why didn't she use a wand?' and in the case of quite a few guys, 'Do you think she was a double D?'

Firenzi trotted over, "Well now... That was a little odd wouldn't you say?"

Kath'rynne grinned at him, her grey eyes sparkling, "No, not really. All in a day's work."

* * *

This is also on my DeviantArt account so there's no need to think that it's been stolen. No one would want to steal this. Comment, flame, sit there and stare in horror before deleteing your web history. Do what you please.


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